The Anxiety When Things Fall Apart
Your relationship with you, is everything.
Elizabeth Carpenter, MSOM, LAC, CLHYP
13 min read
"Every day, at the moment things get edgy,
we can just ask ourselves, 'Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war?'"
Pema Chodron
When the bottom feels like it’s falling out,
or things seem unstable, aren’t working, it hurts. When we feel lost, confused or disconnected, it hurts. When we’re mean inside ourselves, it hurts.
We can distract ourselves and hide (we each have so many hiding places).
But eventually we’ll run out of both distractions and hiding places, and we’ll find ourselves alone with ourselves and we see what we’d rather not: our BS and mistakes, our aging face and body, our aggression and foolishness, our self-deceptions and fear.
When finally there’s no where further to run or hide, things feel not-so-good or aren’t working, vividly.
And we’re the only ones reflecting in that mirror.
If we do continue our hiding, we’re plagued by that unsettling, anxious undercurrent, fear popcorn popping in the in-between times and spaces, or nagging, relentless hunting for answers.
Either way, it’s private. No one else can solve it.
The urge to bolt is overwhelming.
To alcohol or social media or food. To duty, shopping, religiosity, exercise, other people. It's an endless list of possibles. To achieving, full calendars….
But bolting is futile.
It’s just postponement.
This energy will wait until we’ve tried every exit, but will be here when we give up attempting to flee.
This is your deeper self calling, asking for your friendship.
Maybe the bottom really is falling out
through loss - loss of a professional or personal identity, loss of a loved one or a relationship, loss of financial security, physical health, loss of hope for something you really wanted, loss of youth.
Whatever was standing between you and this shaky nervy vulnerable place has been removed.
And if you are willing to not bolt, but instead be present, to show up for the whole spectacular unwanted reality, and to be a real friend, miracles occur.
You can practice peace, instead of going to war. Be a friend, not an enemy.
And so, inevitably, healing occurs.
Everything about our training has been to push away what we don’t like or want, get away, get it off us, finger point at the enemy, move on.
When things fall apart, it’s a test, but also an inflection point. Healing and transformation are knocking on your door.
How will you handle this dangerous opportunity?
The Chinese character for crisis combines the glyphs for danger and opportunity. It's a highly unstable energy. Direct it this way, down you go. Direct it another way, up you rise, into something different, better.
When you see and know it all - your crisis, your options, yourself - as just energy available for your direction, that's your power getting turned back on. Science defines energy as the ability to do work. Your direction is required, or it will be directed by another force.
Shifting how and where energy flows necessarily changes what that energy feeds, and what it starves.
And that means change.
Energy is constantly moving. Our energies cycle. Things fall apart only to come together again . . . somehow.
The question is, "What will be your 'somehow?'"
Will you go for more of the same? Or shapeshift the crisis into something that better serves you?
That depends on whether and how you showed up for the falling apart.
What did you feed? How did you direct your energy? What did you do with your dangerous opportunity, your crisis?
There is healing energy in being present for hard stuff - the seeds of new life are there.
When you are willing to stay conscious, and not run,
you have a chance
to learn, and so, to create change.
Circumstance and emotions are teachers. Self-awareness is the foundation required for positive change.
Your body and mind are a classroom, for a class of one: your own private education system, age 0 all the way through to Adult Continuing Ed. Their energies and needs, problems and flourishing, teach and mentor you, about you, in more ways than you can imagine.
All for you.
This flow pattern of life, coming together and falling apart,
cyclic impermanence, is reflected in the cycle of the seasons.
New life of spring, explosive growth of summer, the harvest culmination point and then the slip over to the other side, the disintegration of fall. The death blow of winter - all gone, for a time.
Only the unseen underground waters and silent patient acceptance of it all can nurture the new life spring promises.
In the fallen apart phase those underground rivers, those deep energies within - you with you - tending your body, your mind, your emotions, your soul and spirit, are what will get you through to spring.
If you evolve in friendship towards yourself, your winters will become friendlier and your springtimes more abundant.
The waters of your friendship will go to work nourishing the seeds strewn in the disintegration and destruction to become something else in the inevitable next coming together.
What will get born? Whether that coming together is in the next few minutes (a mini-cycle within your day) or a next stage of your health and life, a new chapter.
Falling apart is hard.
Loss is hard. Fear is hard.
Being present when you’d rather sedate, or escape, is hard. Feeling lost is hard.
The underground rivers of your deeper self are your spiritual energy and connection. Your energy - the "spirit" of mind-body-spirit. They are how you move through all your winters, whether they last minutes or years. They are what prompt your mind, your emotions, and your choices which, ultimately, heal and grow you or quagmire and sabotage you.
You can never know what’s going to happen.
It doesn’t matter that you want to know - that you crave knowing and predictability. That’s part of waking up to your energy and accepting the rules of the game.
No one knows.
You hope something will turn out great but it could be awful.
You assume something is going to be a waste of your time but it hands you a golden opportunity.
You think you’ll succeed, but you epic fail. You just know you’ll fail, but you epic succeed.
Disappointment can turn into the best thing that ever happened to you. The thing you wanted sooooo badly can leave you feeling flat once gained.
You can’t know what’s coming.
But you will be there, through it all. That’s the journey.
Wholeness evolves through your friendship with yourself.
Your relationship with you (the real you, deeper you, spiritual you - the you inside your mind and body having your thoughts and emotions) is the through line and quality of your life.
The battlefield and playground of your mind and body play host for it all to unfold.
All for you.
Chinese medicine and the wisdom of the Tao de Ching, teach us, “The only constant is change.”
But you will be there, for all of it.
Will you be there as an agent of peace? or your enemy in war?
“When you become good friends with yourself, your situation will become more friendly too.” ~ Pema Chodron
Put your weapons down.
Last year I got a new patient inquiry from an 82 year old.
She had stage 4 ovarian cancer that had metastasized. She wanted two things: to “stop the cancer in its tracks” and to help her “deal with overwhelming anxiety.” She’d been referred by a Next Level Healing patient.
She was cantankerous. Aggressive with me. Asking for help and letting me know she didn’t believe in what I did. But was desperate so would “try.”
Something in me wanted to take the case, even though neon lights were flashing in my mind, “this woman needs help but she’s going to fight it tooth and nail, and fight me every path I try to lead her down.”
I was right, on all counts.
I would use my energy skills to stay neutral and smile internally as she’d start each session with a scowl, informing me how pointless these sessions were and spending the first 50 minutes of her hour being in charge. When time was nearly up, she would ask, “what should I do? what do you think?”
And we’d go somewhere in those precious ten minutes that softened and opened her to letting herself “know.”
Eventually, she’d start our sessions in excitement, sharing what she did with what she learned in those mini-voyages we’d take in the time she had permitted us to “go there” the previous meeting.
Bit by bit, she let herself go all in, with and for herself.
It grew into an extraordinary journey she took, at 82, putting her pieces together and her weapons down. Making friends with herself, and with everything.
Falling apart, coming back together - different, better, beautiful.
She was wealthy and well connected and had the best of the best doctors. She was in The Next Level Healing Program, but we never did any physical medicine.
She couldn’t tolerate any of the drug trials she was privileged to get herself into.
The last we met, in December, she was so deeply engaged in the love of her family, the miracle of her good fortune, and the love inside herself. She’d healed and woken, forgiven and integrated.
Inspiring. I miss her. She died this January.
Her husband emailed me to thank me, and let me know of her passing - a profound note of his pain and her blooming and triumph, her exquisite love and impact. I cried at the beauty of it.
Healing is so personal.
The falling apart is so personal.
The coming together, the unique and powerful journey of your lifetime.
Friends, not enemies.
Peace, not war.
Present, not on the lam.
Your hero or heroine’s journey - a love story.
CONTACT
Master Your Energy
Healing Wisdom & ORIENS ENERGY LAB Invites direct to your Inbox
"Every day, at the moment things get edgy,
we can just ask ourselves, 'Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war?'"
Pema Chodron
When the bottom feels like it’s falling out,
or things seem unstable, aren’t working, it hurts. When we feel lost, confused or disconnected, it hurts. When we’re mean inside ourselves, it hurts.
We can distract ourselves and hide (we each have so many hiding places).
But eventually we’ll run out of both distractions and hiding places, and we’ll find ourselves alone with ourselves and we see what we’d rather not: our BS and mistakes, our aging face and body, our aggression and foolishness, our self-deceptions and fear.
When finally there’s no where further to run or hide, things feel not-so-good or aren’t working, vividly.
And we’re the only ones reflecting in that mirror.
If we do continue our hiding, we’re plagued by that unsettling, anxious undercurrent, fear popcorn popping in the in-between times and spaces, or nagging, relentless hunting for answers.
Either way, it’s private.
No one else can solve it.
The urge to bolt is overwhelming.
To alcohol or social media or food. To duty, shopping, religiosity, exercise, other people. It's an endless list of possibles. To achieving, full calendars….
It’s just postponement.
This energy will wait until we’ve tried every exit, but will be here when we give up attempting to flee.
This is your deeper self calling, asking for your friendship.
Maybe the bottom really is falling out
through loss - loss of a professional or personal identity, loss of a loved one or a relationship, loss of financial security, physical health, loss of hope for something you really wanted, loss of youth.
Whatever was standing between you and this shaky nervy vulnerable place has been removed.
And if you are willing to not bolt, but instead be present, to show up for the whole spectacular unwanted reality, and to be a real friend, miracles occur.
You can practice peace, instead of going to war. Be a friend, not an enemy.
And so, inevitably, healing occurs.
Everything about our training has been to push away what we don’t like or want, get away, get it off us, finger point at the enemy, move on.
When things fall apart, it’s a test, but also an inflection point. Healing and transformation are knocking on your door.
How will you handle this dangerous opportunity?
The Chinese character for crisis combines the glyphs for danger and opportunity. It's a highly unstable energy. Direct it this way, down you go. Direct it another way, up you rise, into something different, better.
When you see and know it all - your crisis, your options, yourself - as just energy available for your direction, that's your power getting turned back on. Science defines energy as the ability to do work. Your direction is required, or it will be directed by another force.
Shifting how and where energy flows necessarily changes what that energy feeds, and what it starves.
And that means change.
Energy is constantly moving. Our energies cycle. Things fall apart only to come together again . . . somehow.
The question is, "What will be your 'somehow?'"
Will you go for more of the same? Or shapeshift the crisis into something better suited to you?
That depends on whether and how you showed up for the falling apart.
What did you feed? How did you direct your energy? What did you do with your dangerous opportunity, your crisis?
There is healing energy in being present for hard stuff - the seeds of new life are there.
When you are willing to stay conscious, and not run,
you have a chance
to learn, and so, to create change.
Circumstance and emotions are teachers. Self-awareness is the foundation required for positive change.
Your body and mind are a classroom, for a class of one: your own private education system, age 0 all the way through to Adult Continuing Ed. Their energies and needs, problems and flourishing, teach and mentor you, about you, in more ways than you can imagine.
All for you.
This flow pattern of life, coming together and falling apart,
cyclic impermanence, is reflected in the cycle of the seasons.
New life of spring, explosive growth of summer, the harvest culmination point and then the slip over to the other side, the disintegration of fall. The death blow of winter - all gone, for a time.
Only the unseen underground waters and silent patient acceptance of it all can nurture the new life spring promises.
In the fallen apart phase those underground rivers, those deep energies within - you with you - tending your body, your mind, your emotions, your soul and spirit, are what will get you through to spring.
If you evolve in friendship towards yourself, your winters will become friendlier and your springtimes more abundant.
The waters of your friendship will go to work nourishing the seeds strewn in the disintegration and destruction to become something else in the inevitable next coming together.
What will get born? Whether that coming together is in the next few minutes (a mini-cycle within your day) or a next stage of your health and life, a new chapter.
Falling apart is hard.
Loss is hard. Fear is hard.
Being present when you’d rather sedate, or escape, is hard. Feeling lost is hard.
The underground rivers of your deeper self are your spiritual energy and connection. Your energy - the "spirit" of mind-body-spirit. They are how you move through all your winters, whether they last minutes or years. They are what prompt your mind, your emotions, and your choices which, ultimately, heal and grow you or quagmire and sabotage you.
You can never know what’s going to happen.
It doesn’t matter that you want to know - that you crave knowing and predictability. That’s part of waking up to your energy and accepting the rules of the game.
No one knows.
You hope something will turn out great but it could be awful.
You assume something is going to be a waste of your time but it hands you a golden opportunity.
You think you’ll succeed, but you epic fail. You just know you’ll fail, but you epic succeed.
Disappointment can turn into the best thing that ever happened to you. The thing you wanted sooooo badly can leave you feeling flat once gained.
You can’t know what’s coming.
But you will be there, through it all. That’s the journey.
Wholeness evolves through your friendship with yourself.
You - your heart and soul energy - your relationship with you - your connection within yourself.
Those underground rivers . . .
Your relationship with you (the real you, deeper you, spiritual you - the you inside your mind and body having your thoughts and emotions) is the through line and quality of your life.
The battlefield and playground of your mind and body play host for it all to unfold.
All for you.
All for you.
Chinese medicine and the wisdom of the Tao de Ching, teach us, “The only constant is change.”
But you will be there, for all of it.
Will you be there as an agent of peace? or your enemy in war?
“When you become good friends with yourself, your situation will become more friendly too.” ~ Pema Chodron
Put your weapons down.
Last year I got a new patient inquiry from an 82 year old.
She had stage 4 ovarian cancer that had metastasized. She wanted two things: to “stop the cancer in its tracks” and to help her “deal with overwhelming anxiety.” She’d been referred by a Next Level Healing patient.
She was cantankerous. Aggressive with me. Asking for help and letting me know she didn’t believe in what I did. But was desperate so would “try.”
Something in me wanted to take the case, even though neon lights were flashing in my mind, “this woman needs help but she’s going to fight it tooth and nail, and fight me every path I try to lead her down.”
I was right, on all counts.
I would use my energy skills to stay neutral and smile internally as she’d start each session with a scowl, informing me how pointless these sessions were and spending the first 50 minutes of her hour being in charge. When time was nearly up, she would ask, “what should I do? what do you think?”
And we’d go somewhere in those precious ten minutes that softened and opened her to letting herself “know.”
Eventually, she’d start our sessions in excitement, sharing what she did with what she learned in those mini-voyages we’d take in the time she had permitted us to “go there” the previous meeting.
Bit by bit, she let herself go all in,
with and for herself.
It grew into an extraordinary journey she took, at 82, putting her pieces together and her weapons down. Making friends with herself, and with everything.
Falling apart, coming back together - different, better, beautiful.
She was wealthy and well connected and had the best of the best doctors. She was in The Next Level Healing Program, but we never did any physical medicine.
She couldn’t tolerate any of the drug trials she was privileged to get herself into.
The last we met, in December, she was so deeply engaged in the love of her family, the miracle of her good fortune, and the love inside herself. She’d healed and woken, forgiven and integrated.
Inspiring. I miss her. She died this January.
Her husband emailed me to thank me, and let me know of her passing - a profound note of his pain and her blooming and triumph, her exquisite love and impact. I cried at the beauty of it.
Healing is so personal.
The falling apart is so personal.
The coming together, the unique and powerful journey of your lifetime.
Friends, not enemies.
Peace, not war.
Present, not on the lam.
Your hero or heroine’s journey - a love story.
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info@OriensLiving.com
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